mein.

– Star tells him how guys are so often trying to impress her, get in her good books, or craving attention. She feels forced into vanity, urged into being a cunt. And the rest of the way she’s been taught to feel – rather beaten down, very small and stupid – combined with this makes her feel confused and meaningless.
Mein says he’s fed up of trying, he’s noticed guys are like that, and that often they succeed, by being calmly confident or whatever, but he couldn’t give an arse.

She does something rather irresistible. Mein looks at her with a small smile. ‘I admit, I have no idea what to do with you. One way or the other.’
Star beams in a way pulled back from the brink of outright violence. ‘Don’t know what to do with me?’

 (as soon as star makes him feel a little safe a couple times)- dont assume im a nice person! I know I make you happy, I seem sweet, but I also know I’m different to other people.
fixated on  the corruption of loveliness into abhorrence, morbidity
he cannot get rooted to the earth therefore feels hate and fear from it

In junkard, after sex, thinking, I wish we never have sex. It would be wonderful to be this close always. Be as beautiful as we can and not limit that.

Women, I so badly want to fuck more of them. And it won’t happen. But in actual fact I think they are the more sexual ones    Holding the condom as I withdraw – like it was their game all along!
I’m supposed to approach them – what the hell do I say? Supposed to be assertive, raw, fear-inducingly arousing. I just want your heart in my mouth!
‘My mind is in chaos!’ whined Mein. ‘Even sex makes me paranoid!’

Admits to a random he had a mystical experience (in his trousers) with his first Union with STar. However,
‘My joy is personal’ he said with a sullen expression

star clutching her gown. fucks billy or tesh. mein is overwhelmed. I did not think this could occur to me. Has made space in his perception of the world for only a little humiliation.

I cant trust you now
Out of embarassment she lies about her feelings then has a little explosion
I obviously cant trust you with anything now. This is very upsetting to me but I see now how you are

Fantasises he was raped by his father on the beach, his father who died in the war

(A bit kafka?)

”’ Martin is sitting atop a small bundle of tyres, themselves atop a mound of waste. Small fishbones, rotting stuff in rotting plastic bags, cracked plastic, rusty antennae stuck pointing at the sun. Main gave her a small warm smile.
Main got his dick out. It rose like a pink mushroom, balancing itself erect. He thrust blue-black hands towards her as she neared, laughing. “Don’t touch  it!” ….
“I’m still fucking horny”, Martin murmured. Star beamed somewhat shyly, massively proud. He was hers, she was his, and they were both covered in shit and wanted to play with each other’s arses. ”’
It made him feel big and clever, but he still wasn’t sure he was at all in control, or rather, the initiator.

”’ Starfish killed a rat, then bit off its head.Martin got excited and ripped off her pants grabbing at her from behind.  ”’
(Marin is the one with little impulse control but no actual leadership charisma. Has not actualized his self. *Falling behind. Star cares for him and is sympathetic, but wouldn’t let it stop her progress) Father is a mystic/wizard. Son doesnt appear to possess any such grandness to his character. :
”’ Martin dreamed of pouncing death. Going totally mental. Licking out dead ravens, digging up graves, ambushing young men as the summer sun of their fabricated heaven sets.
He thought to himself upon waking.* I am only dreams, day actions aren’t mine. Ghosts in the day. ”’

”’The crowd roared.
 Martin frowned for a while, then suggested contentedly, “You could make a sculpture of me with my head enclosed in a tree.”
“And then kick your bollocks in ‘til they burst like over-ripe fallows!” she hissed back.
“If I ploughed your field, let there be crop rotation, sweet?”
“Oh – shut up. Yeah, the tree is good. Let’s go to the forest. Fuck it all. That’s where we should be.”
Martin stared at the ground with lactic eyes. “I don’t know if I have the…balls… to deal with… any ineventualities…”
“Then we’ll die together, pretty pea!” Star glared, stroking down his thighs.
“Oh…ivy and grass and…suchlike…” ”’
(I was into this idea before she suggested it..)

Reverently speaks of how he would appropriate wisdom when he gained a powerful position, potentially waiting for him.
Many things happen including the death of his mother, and to everyone he loved it is as if he has gone completely against the core beliefs they share. In his rage he believes himself only managing to fulfil his previous ideals, though somewhat altered.

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